So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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