I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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