Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
