You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
