Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
