YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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