im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
