it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
