Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
