I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
