You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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