I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
