I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
