just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
