I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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