i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You can't special order awesome
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
