No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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