good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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