We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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