The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
