I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
