I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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