And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
