You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How external is "for external use only"?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
