I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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