I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
