We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you will always have a special place in my vag
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
