Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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