Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
