I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
