he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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