So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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