drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
