So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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