btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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