Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
