I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
