After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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