man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
