I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
