All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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