She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
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