I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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