she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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