Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize