dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
