Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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