YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
