one two three fourrrrnication!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
