omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
