Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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