i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
