The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
