Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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