May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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