Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
