I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize