There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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