Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
