I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
